Cheerful young black couple standing isolated over orange background, taking a selfie. Perfect Friendlationship photo.
Cover Image © Dean Drobot

So… You’ve Gotten into a Friendlationship?

A tale as old as time involving two people who are normally best friends that happen to be “more than friends” but “less than lovers”: A Friendlationship. Saying this upfront, there isn’t anything wrong with a “just friends” status so long as both parties are being transparent about their feelings/intentions and not playing games.

Today I’ll point out a few traits that you and your Friendgirl or Friendboy may share (whether you’re aware of them or not), and how your mutual respect for one another will get you through anything – even cases of unrequited love.

Let’s begin.


So… You’ve gotten into a Friendlationship? Haha! (I just like saying it)


Happy young black couple wearing casual clothes standing isolated over yellow background, giving high five.

What is a Friendlationship?

Well, as I define it – it’s basically the same as having a best friend (if you don’t know what that is, I’m sorry – please email me for further details & let’s be friends). BUT, at some point, one of you may have felt something more – expressed it (that’s key, without this – you’re just regular friends) – and had to learn to live with a “Just Friends” status.

One of you wanted the other as a potential Girlfriend or Boyfriend, but rather that happening – ended up with a Friendgirl or Friendboy. I toss that name on it because this person isn’t just another friend, you two are an atypical bonded-pair (yes, like animals and their companions). And, at least one of you treats the other more special than they treat everyone else.

You’re likely around each other all the time, too. So much so – that people have probably either noticeably assumed or flat-out asked, whether or not the two of you are a couple.


You Share Everything!

Cheerful young black couple standing isolated over orange background, eating french fries.

If you two tend to be private people who keep everything to yourself (possessions, feelings, life events, etc.) – that rule flies out the window when it comes to your relationship. This isn’t just one of your usual friendships!

Being “Less than Lovers” but “More than Friends” – you share things like your food, time, valuable resources. You are vulnerable with one another in ways that you probably just can’t be with anyone else. And it gets to the point that your emotions are probably in-sync if you’re around each other at any point during the day (this includes texting, social media, phone calls, etc.).



That is right, if one of you is having a bad day – then both of you are. This may not sound like it’s the best thing out there because this person can bring your mood down, but you have to think of the positive! If one of you is having a bad day & the other one is in a good mood, Friendlationship Partners can bring each other out of a funk probably 9 out of 10 times.


You Show Each Other Massive Patience

Everyone can get on each other’s nerves in their friendships. Adding in a pinch of unrequited love in there doesn’t help the mix either.

Sometimes it can be a small thing here and there… That happens.

Annoyed looking black couple standing isolated over yellow background, back to back.

Other times you may really be at each other’s throats! And if you don’t know why, it’s either A) rooted in some minor jealousies rooted somewhere in that unrequited love area or B) just something you deal with in a romantic relationship — which your Friendlationship mimics.

Young black couple standing isolated over yellow background, having an argument.

Plain and simple, you wouldn’t stand for this kind of grief from just anyone. But, this is your special Friendboy or Friendgirl we’re talking about here! They aren’t just anyone! Even after moments of extreme irritation (and sometimes not talking for days, weeks, or even months at a time) – you two always find your way back to some agreeable point that just… works.

Happy young black couple wearing casual clothes standing isolated over yellow background, arms folded.

You do this so often, that some onlookers may really wonder, “What’s the secret?” They may ponder, “How exactly do you two manage to be at each other’s throats one minute, and then seem to pivot back to a happy space in the next?” (Especially when you’re not sexually involved!)

As hard as it may be for them to accept, you know it’s nothing complicated.


Your Friendlationship is Rooted in Something Beyond Both of You

Some people may call the “secret ingredient” of close relationships Love – but I like to think of it as something bigger than that: Mutual Respect.

You two don’t just admire one another, you see the whole person in front of you because one of you has gone for it and actually shown the other a side of yourself most people don’t get to see when you “shot your shot” & confessed feelings (remember, I said that was key). In doing this – the best version of yourself was probably presented, and if you or the other person wasn’t feeling it – maybe even the worst version was presented. You have not only shared feelings, but – because of the unrequited portion of this – you’ve also grown to live with each other’s failings in one way or another.

Still, most times you two non-romantic soulmates see things the same way.

Cheerful young black couple standing isolated over orange background, pointing fingers to the reader's left.

And even if you don’t – you don’t care.

That’s the cool thing about the mutual respect you both have for each other in this particular style of relationship. You aren’t looking for someone to agree with or coddle you. If I had to guess, I’d just say that you were looking for another side to your “personal coin” (so to speak).

Oh, and you may think each other are cute.

You laugh, but you know I’m not playing.

Cheerful young black couple standing isolated over orange background, pointing fingers at each other.

And there’s nothing wrong with that!! That is between the two of you as consenting adults (or near adults). If both of you are open about things and no one crosses a line that makes the other feel bad – it’s fine to flirt a bit. Hell, you may even get physical from time-to-time within whatever boundaries you two have in place.


Like I said, “[T]here isn’t anything wrong with a ‘just friends’ status”

I imagine that whoever likes the other – if they really mean it, they just want that person to be happy. At the end of the day, Friendlationships happen because both individuals are getting some sense of completion out of the deal.

Keep your options open, and if you are the friend receiving the unrequited end of things – don’t sweat it. All things happen for a reason. All things.

If the two of you are happy, the universe is happy with your decision – and that’s all that matters at the end of the day.

Cheerful young black couple standing isolated over orange background, taking a selfie while both give a thumbs up.

Please – keep putting positive vibes and good energy out into the world. We all need it, especially those of us in Friendlationships.

Peace, and thanks for reading.


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Image Credits:
All Images © Dean Drobot (Shutterstock)

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