This post opens up with a well-known photograph (understatement) of a distracted boyfriend that anyone with an internet connection has probably seen, in some fashion, as a meme. That was intentional. Trust me, that image was hand-selected to prove a point with a story I’m going to tell that may anger some of you.
You see… there are two things people who don’t know me may not guess.
First: I like to make up fun scenarios with unfamiliar pieces. I can look at two random strangers on the street and make up entire backstories for them, their relationship(s), and the feuding royal bloodlines they may or may not be from. Like… on the spot.
Second: I have a Shutterstock subscription for this site. That means I get to see way more stock images than a lot of people in a given day. And that also means that I’ve seen the ENTIRE photoset for the “Disloyal Man” series, and let me tell you — there’s a story there.
I want to tell you a messy story with lots of photos in a gallery, and then I’d like for you to help me think through some philosophical issues. I’ll qualify this with the following statement: “This story is completely fictional, and not based on anyone that I know – but at the same time, it’s based on a lot of people that we all know.”
That is all you get. Story time.
The Story No One Knows
(READ THE CAPTIONS & REFRESH SCREEN if the slideshow is rendering weirdly)
Emma had a guy who loved her, but she wasn’t really feeling him as much as he dug her. He tried to lock her down, but she kind of skirted the issue. Having done so, Emma had a decision to make: Keep the current fruits of her labor even if it wasn’t perfect (the apple), or move on to something new (the orange). Guess which one she chose. You see, Emma met Chris by chance at a time when her old guy just wasn’t cutting it. His name isn’t even worth mentioning in this story. She hit it off with Chris, so – out with the apple, in with the orange. Chris liked being Emma’s orange and she was looking forward to peeling him (if you know what I mean). So, peel she did – and what she found out after getting to the core of her new orange was that he had a roaming eye. This is the part of the story that we all have seen and either love or hate Chris for. But – as with any good story, there’s so much more! Chris knew that he’d angered Emma and tried everything he could to get back into her good graces. And, hey – he must’ve done something right because Chris was right back in there! Even hanging with Emma’s friends now. Everyone knew she was peeling that orange! Yep. Chris was living the life. Sure he wasn’t perfect, but things were going well with Emma. Like… really well. People were getting sick of them… But they weren’t getting sick of each other. Chris eventually popped the question because he felt like, “Well, that’s what you do.” And yeah – he still had a roaming eye. To make matters worse, Emma knew he still had his issues – but she went along with it anyway and said, “Yes.” Denying her gut. Life carried on. Emma + Chris + close friend after close friend. And Emma always felt like something was up. She could never quiiiiiite feel secure in the relationship she had built with Chris, regardless of what he said. One day she just said, “Eff it,” and looked through his phone without him knowing. She saw that he’d been sending very questionable messages to her friend Nicki! That b***h! Coming to her senses in a moment of clarity, she decided it was really time to leave Chris and maybe hit up her old guy Apple. When she told him she wasn’t peeling him anymore (see what I did there), Chris began to beg her to stay — reminding her of what they had and explaining that he had been foolish. And, as men (or boys) are known to do – he was suddenly very visibly and emotionally distraught by the thought of losing Emma. Seeing this — she decided not to go, and wanted to give him one more chance because she loved him now. She loved her orange. (She fell for it.) Emma and Chris hit it back off – things were good. Especially for Chris… and Nicki (remember her?). One day, Emma was out – and she could’ve sworn she saw Chris out with another woman. Holy crap! That is Chris! And Nicki!! That b***h! Days got awkward because Emma didn’t say anything to Chris about it. And when he’d ask, she wouldn’t confront him about what she saw. Sensing something was up, Chris reassured Emma that whatever was up – he was here for her and he loved her and no one else. Emma never mentioned the Nicki issue. Eventually, Emma just convinced herself that it couldn’t have been Chris with Nicki and that she was mistaken. She was having fun – but Chris wasn’t. No… You see, Chris was realizing that he was about to connect with Emma “FOREVER” and he started making stupid decisions to numb his sense of regret. And then – one day while walking off his drunken stupor and trying to sober up… He saw Nicki! On the other side of town, Emma gets a distressing text from a friend telling her that Chris was seen out and about with another woman and didn’t look like he was in the best shape. Concerned for multiple reasons, Emma drives home like a bat out of hell! She is worried about Chris. She is worried about her relationship. She is worried about who the hell is peeling her orange!? And then – she sees it. She sees Chris peeling oranges with Nicki. Seeing that NOW is the moment to speak up, Emma has word with Nicki. And then she asks Chris how he could do that? She trusted him and felt completely blindsided. Chris is destroyed as she cancels their engagement. He is the world’s saddest orange all of a sudden. Emma goes and have a good cry with a friend, explaining that Chris was a nice guy and this was nothing like him. She is hurt, but now understands that it’s time to move on. Things are over with Chris, and Emma isn’t sure if she’ll ever like oranges again. She’s actually considering trying apples again. The End.
So… Tell me… Who was “wrong” in that story? At what point should Emma have left Chris? At what point should Chris have been honest with Emma about how he was feeling? Should they have gone to couple’s therapy? Should Emma have stayed with Apple? Was Chris wrong before or after he “went out” with Nicki? Did Emma do anything wrong? Did Chris feel pressured by Emma? How many chances would you have given YOUR FIANCE Chris? What if the peeling was reeeeealllly good? Would it matter if the genders were flipped? Does it change anything if Chris knew Nicki first? Does it change anything if Chris and the old guy (Apply) were friends? Should Emma have trusted her heart, or her gut, or her brain?
Do you see where I’m going with all of this?
8 Out of 10 Times (made up stat) We Work Off of Incomplete Info
A lot of us, myself included, get caught up in one moment of a story and make snap judgments without knowing all of the details. Sometimes we are given incomplete information or fall in with popular perspectives because it’s just the easier thing to do.
How do you think Chris described the situation to his friends? Do you think he said anything? Do you think Emma mentions to her friends that she had her suspicions, but always looked the other way? Is it MORE OK to move on the way that Emma did from Apple-to-Orange (Chris), or were they both wrong for looking outside of their relationships before ending things with their significant other? Was this Karma for Emma? Was Nicki just Chris’s new “orange”?
Sometimes we don’t like to know the whole story because it may leave us with more questions we’re uncomfortable with answering, than answers that we like to hear.
That isn’t a fortune cookie — that’s just facts.
This Story is Both Familiar and Unfamiliar at the Same Time
Again, I didn’t write this story about anyone in particular – and I’ve NEVER had an experience like this that I knew about (which means I’m probably Apple – LOL… Crap… or Emma!!?). But, we hear about it all the time.
The current U.S. President has stepped out on his wife, the First Lady (she stayed). Pastors cheat on their wives (the one in that story — she stayed the first time). Women step-out on their men (and they stay). Everybody has their reasons, and the world outside of their relationship doesn’t always have a 100% clear window into that logic.
No one is perfect, alright? And I feel pretty confident that, like Emma, these people knew the person they were getting into these situations with – whether they admit to it or not. There are signs, there are repeat behaviors, there are flat out moments of admission. But we all know someone who chose to stay (whether they’ve told us the facts or not).
This Is Not an Apology for Cheaters, or Even Distracted Boyfriends
To be clear, this post is not in support of cheaters nor is this a sympathy letter to those who choose to stay in relationships with people who cheated on them. In fact, this isn’t even ABOUT relationships – I just used a fictional story about one as an illustrative example.
One of the worst things you can do to “someone you care about”, in my eyes, is step-out on them. I do not condone cheating, nor do I fully respect people who do so. Ultimately I have a policy of…
…when it comes to other people’s relationships, but please know that cheating isn’t something I praise people for. I tend to try to NOT hang around people that I know engage in the activity.
What this Post was Really About
WHAT I WANT THIS TO BE is a reminder to either get to know all sides of an issue (at least “more than one” if it exists) or reserve judgment – even if you’re involved with the issue in some way – when it comes to certain matters. I say that because there may be details in the story that dramatically shift opinions should they come to light.
I mean, I bet a lot of people didn’t even know there were other photos in that series – hahaha! And, kind of “more sadly”, many people won’t even feel like it matters that there were more pictures outside of that moment.
Ok. Cool. It’s just pictures — but maybe don’t go through life like that?
We have to get to know our world through more than tweets, TikTok videos, and headlines. I say that AS A PERSON who will sometimes stop at only reading article headlines and email subject lines! In an effort to not be a hypocrite, I strive to actually read the content.
Everything in Life (with a big “L”) isn’t bite-size.
That is all that I’ve got. What do you think of this story and the moral I tried to tie to it?
Peace, and thanks for reading.
The soundtrack for this post provided by…
Image Credits:
All Images (excluding the .gif) © Antonio Guillem (Shutterstock)