I have been in an odd headspace these last few days. I find myself trying to “mentally connect the dots” to evaluate things that have gotten me where I am currently in life vs. things that need to change in order for me to progress. I know that’s normal thinking for some, but it’s all new to me since I’ve just honestly never cared.
Scribbling Start Time: 8:22 AM
What Do You Mean “Never Cared”?
I am that terrible person who has always refused to pick a lane in life. I stay open to mostly all options that come my way and flow with things when it suits me. I know that sounds non-committal as hell, but I’ve just always believed life was far too short and beautiful for me to feel like I can only do a small set of things.
Why limit myself? Why not pursue what I’m interested in – even if I don’t finish it?
Needless to say, my mental approach to living has brought me into the bonds I’ve made and the things I possess by what can only be described as sheer luck. There has never been a plan other than “Seek Ye Fulfillment” (in my Shakespearean voice). Yes, I plot and scheme (who doesn’t?) but the moment I don’t think something is working out or some key variable has changed dramatically, I pivot as needed.
I don’t know the proper name for my philosophical take on life, but I primarily believe in fate at the end of the day. I just kind of think, “Whatever will be, will be,” and move along with my day.
Whatever degree of personal fulfillment I get out of life is relative to my reactions to the events in it, so the events just haven’t ever really been a concern. My reaction has been the focus. Does this make me happy? Does this make me sad? Things like that. If something is bringing me joy, I continue it and seek out more things along that path. If something is bringing me negative energy, I cut it loose.
And there are just a lot of unknowns, so I figure why not be happy? I could die tomorrow. There could be a huge natural disaster or freak accident (think “random bullet or meteor crashing through my window”) that ends me right now. So… Why not try to make sure I’m living how I’d most like to in each moment of the day so long as I’m not acting in a self-sabotaging way?
I can rant about this for hours, so I’m going to move on.
So, Why The Shift In Life Thinking?
I don’t know what it is about a new year, but it’s really causing me to stop and think about the future more than I normally do. Asking myself, “Am I living the life I want to live right now?” and things like that.
One of the gifts and curses of Social Media is that you get to see how others are living. And since I’ve been off Social Media for the last few years, I haven’t had to deal with that particular side effect. Well, I’m back on it now, and while seeing how old classmates are doing has been fun – being a spectator to some of their highs and lows has given me pause.
Some are doing very well, and it put me in the mindset of, “What decisions did they make to get where they are now? What did they commit to? What did they sacrifice?” Some are doing… not so well – and that got me thinking, “What things do I need to avoid? What vices should I try to manage? What criteria or standards do I need to set?”
These are things that I just hadn’t worried about before. It has always come down to, “What will make you happy today?”
The Realization & My Decision
As I sat and considered all of this, I landed on one definitive personal truth:There is a strong chance you’ll have to change your behavior & decide some things to avoid going stagnant.
So… That’s where I’m at. I can’t tell you what I’ve decided right now, only that I’ve decided to make some decisions (Hahaha). Hey! That’s progress in itself for me.
I know that was a bit of a ramble, but that’s the point of posts in this section. It is all just to let you know where my head is at right now.
What decisions have you made for your life? What guides you? What is your stance on the idea of fate?