Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-Texas, standing in a dramatic pose.
Cover Image © Saul Loeb (AFP/Getty Images)

“…[C]hange the course of the moon’s orbit…” (A WTF Rant)

There I was. Sitting. Enjoying my workday when I decided to use my time between meetings to check the news. And then I came across an article stating that a couple of days ago a U.S. Representative for Texas seriously asked about altering the orbit of the moon while discussing climate change. What… the… 🤬

What follows is a rant that will have colorful uncensored language. I don’t curse all of the time on this site, but I do curse in real life and the idiocy of the following scenario just merits that I’m able to cut loose in this take. Sorry not sorry. If cursing offends you – please jump out of this post.

Also, what I’m about to say has nothing to do with his politics, but everything to do with the stupid shit he fixed his mouth to say.

The Moment A Man Wanted to Move The Moon

And just in case something goes wrong with the video embedded above, here’s the statement:

“I was informed by the immediate past director of NASA that they’ve found that the moon’s orbit is changing slightly, and so is the Earth’s orbit around the sun. We know there’s been significant solar flare activities, and so, is there anything that the National Forest Service or BLM can do to change the course of the moon’s orbit or the Earth’s orbit around the sun? Obviously, that would have profound effects on our climate.”

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX)

(For context: BLM stands for “Bureau of Land Management” – he wanted us to know that because the worst thing about this was that people thought it stood for Black Lives Matter (which I get and don’t get – more to come on that as I rant))

Sir…

An animated gif of a cat with it's paws together in a praying position bouncing them up and down together while the words What the fuck are you doing appears to the rhythm of the bouncing.

My Rant about Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX)

I’m sorry Texas, but… What the fuck is this?! And why the hell did this man just seriously embarrass you all like that with this foolery.

Here is what pisses me off SO MUCH about this moment: He’s serious. He’s FUCKING serious! And that dumbass idiotic stupid sincerity in a position of power is dangerous.

You mean to tell me that to curb climate change, rather than introduce legislation, policies, and regulations to reduce certain emissions – it is SERIOUSLY a better and more worthwhile endeavor to you to try to move a damn celestial body?!

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!!??

The answer to that question is “Yes. Yes he is serious.”

In his proclamation of #FakeNews – he completely missed the fact that the news here isn’t that he said “BLM”. I understand how he’d want to make sure “Big Media” didn’t misconstrue his words to make it sound like he was facetiously said could the Black Lives Matter movement move the moon — really, I do. But DAMMIT, LOUIE — your concern was that?!

I would have RATHER you were making a sarcastic statement about Black Lives Matter than open your mouth and make the serious remark you just made. But, DAMMIT – you doubled down!

You completely spaced (see what I did there?) on the fact that the fucking news is that a shit for brains (in this moment) U.S. Representative just seriously floated the idea of moving the fucking moon!

(Breathes)

Clearly he just watched hit Chinese film “The Wandering Earth” or something. Great movie — but you know, it’s fiction.

A promo image for the movie The Wandering Earth (shows the Earth with rockets on it moving through space).

I’m not a scientist, but to my understanding fucking with the moon would cause very bad things to happen with our oceans.

I’m not a hardcore environmentalist. I drive a car. But I also carpool and use public transportation when I can. I recycle. Basic shit. Not moving a body in the night sky!

I’m also not an economist, but DAMN if it doesn’t sound expensive to research moving the moon, test moving the moon, create rocket thrusters capable of such a feat (whether in size or quantity), getting the clearance of the rest of the world for such a thing. IT IS THE MOST MORONIC THING I’VE HEARD IN A LONG FUCKING TIME (and that includes former President Trump suggesting people inject bleach into their bodies like a dumbass).

The other thing that angers me so much about this is its powerful sincerity. By that I mean that this man can actually influence resources going to a task like this. And at the rate we’re going as a world these days, we may just sit on our asses long enough to let climate change become entirely unmanageable, and then some crackpot gambit like this will actually gain traction.

Next thing you know humanity has killed itself after further stripping all of our planet’s resources in an effort to move the moon. Either the rockets will blow up or we’ll do something stupid like take a chunk out of the moon or move it too far too fast in some direction that’s bad for everyone on Earth.

It sounds dumb as hell, but those are the stakes if this stupid fucking theory is actually deemed feasible and they go for it.

Please enroll Rep. Gohmert in a science course. A few fucking science courses. While you’re at it, economics and some engineering, too. And then make his capstone environmental science. Teach him how to send himself to the moon because I just can’t with this dude.

Of all of the stupid shit that I’ve heard…

This is what happens when you’re in a nation that is seriously beginning to shun science and knowledge.

You get Louie fucking Gohmert! In office no less.

Ok…

Ok…

I’m moving on. I thought I was done blogging for the day, but then I saw that and just had to vent over my lunchbreak.

I know that talking about this moment in this manner doesn’t make me better, and it for damn sure doesn’t make me sound any smarter than Rep. Gohmert — but it certainly fucking feels good.

Who elected this damn Member of Congress?!

Woosah – thanks for letting me vent.

Peace, and thanks for reading.

 

The soundtrack for this post provided by…

Image Credits:
– Cover Image © Saul Loeb (AFP/Getty Images)
– Body Image 1 © Unknown
– Body Image 2 © China Film Group Corporation

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